You know that feeling you get when something really isn’t okay but you just hold your voice down? You know when you’re so deeply aware of something not being okay that you just feel it in your body? Learn that your body means it. Build the trust with your senses to believe it. We’ve been cultivated with an awareness to know when something is right or wrong. It’s a deep caring of the roots that hold you to the ground. It’s something that we overlook so often because of the constant speediness in this society. We want results quick. We want our responses fast. We want everything done.
I chased too many goals superficially without following my intuition. I wanted to get into grad school, so I did everything to get into graduate school. And I got it, but it was more just to prove it, not because I wanted to go through the process of it. I dropped it because I knew it didn’t fit with my authentic self and how long could I continue achieving something that wasn’t even me? Student loans are no joke. It was an expensive lesson; an expensive “I’m showing it to you world, I can do what I want.” But that’s because I was centering the values of others voices more than my own. I was agreeing to the prescriptions applied to me. Being a “doctor” and “caregiver” was a typical role for women to fall into, and so I followed without the cognizance that my meaning to do was not aligning with this role. I denied my instincts and pushed forth. A privileged issue of course, but nonetheless a denial to outsource my true strengths to serve communities in a more meaningful manner.
I didn’t listen to the inner voice that told me I had other goals to achieve. I knew that I needed a period of discomfort though, I needed to reflect on what would be my offering to this world. And now, I’m learning. Listening to your inner voice is the path to inner peace. It’s the solution to the internal havoc that we create for ourselves; it’s an answer to the panic and anxiety that we leak. It’s the reason we live in a society of losing meaning. Learn to follow your own path; listen to the inner voice that guides you.